by Susan White [eventide coaching]
 
There is a certain universal grace which comes during crisis.  It is the moment one realizes she has a choice.
 
I know a woman who fell deeply into anger, jealousy and questioning her own worth when faced with her husband’s infidelity.  About three weeks into the implosion of an often difficult marriage, a dear friend repeated back to her the venom she had just vented.  In that moment, this woman , consumed with her emotions, understood that she was on the verge of unrecognizable to herself.
 
Later that day, she made a choice.
 
She decided to indulge her anger for two more weeks.  During that time, she allowed herself to wallow in her misery: it was her story, her crisis and she owned every single minute of the pain.  During that time, she also created a plan for herself and enlisted her closest friends to help.  When the two weeks were over, she was ready to cultivate a new attitude.  She spoke to her anger when it arose; “I feel you but you no longer serve me. Thank you”.  She imagined her emotions flowing through her and into the ground, like lightening, released and no longer stuck within her.  Her friends gently re-directed her when she slipped into a rant.  When she thought of her crisis, she purposefully took a deep breath and said a prayer.  She prayed for compassion, wisdom and the blessing of loving-kindness toward her husband.  She followed a rigid schedule to ensure she got eight hours of sleep and she took a long walk every day.  She indulged in a massage.  Eventually, she realized her anger subsided as her confidence and clarity increased.  Perhaps the simple passage of  time would have allowed for this process anyway, but by choosing to accept, claim and calm her emotions, she felt equipped to navigate the waters of divorce.
 
During crisis, it is easy to become overwhelmed. One can become caught in the minutiae of emotions and lose sight of the big picture. Often, goals are overshadowed or even given up to the frenzy of chaos and feelings.  Some “choices” one can make during such a time include:

• Letting go of negative emotions


• Accepting feelings without judgment


• Trust in the larger universe, God, spirit


• Keeping one’s heart open to opportunity and possibility

 
Easier said than done! Here are four strategies to use when making a choice toward balance and progress:
 
1.  Make a commitment to self-recovery and self-discovery. 
                Read material which adds to your understanding of the situation.  Keep a journal, paint or draw. These activities will empower informed decision-making and provide an outlet for emotions.  It is also important to create goals (no matter how small) and acknowledge daily progress.
 
2.  Make a commitment to self-care.
                Eating well, getting adequate sleep and physical exercise all work to create a strong and healthy structure for enduring emotional upheaval.  Exercise and restorative sleep both positively impact mood, stress levels and blood pressure.  Have a massage or Reiki or other body and energy work.  Touch is a powerful healing tool and can create healthy channels for safely releasing strong emotions.
 
3.  Make a commitment to asking for and accepting help.
                Avoid others who feed toxicity or confusion.  Supportive help can help reflect and re-direct as well as provide tender -loving-care when one needs it most. A listening ear, a smile and a hug can go a long way toward quieting moments of crisis.   Professional counseling and a network of positive friends and family help to maintain oversight of  the larger picture and also serve as a safety net when things feel out of control. 
 
4.  Make a commitment to practice gratitude.
                Prayer and meditation which centers on giving thanks can also remind one of the larger and universal community.  Keeping a journal or a list of blessings, no matter how small, cultivates an attitude of humility and sows seeds of optimism and hope.
 
It is impossible to avoid times of crisis or emotional uncertainty.  With self-awareness and a bit of grace, it is possible to move through those times; changed, perhaps, but intact and empowered.
 
Be well.